Bittersweet

It is crazy to think how I got to this moment right here right now. Sitting in my dorm room full of boxes and memories of the past year, my heart celebrates the wonderful times and weeps for the things I will miss. The amount of blessings I have received from the Lord are so many I could never express them all in one post. Thinking back to the first time I came into this room, I realized how far He has taken me. I have come from a nervous, excited, scared-out-of-my-mind first year college student to what I am now, filled to the brim with love lavished out by my Heavenly Father. I could go on for hours about all the amazing things he has done, but today I will just thank Him.

Lord, thank you for bringing me here to California.

Thank you for the opportunity to study Your Word.

Thank you for the guidance of Your Spirit which you have given us.

Thank you for change.

Thank you for new adventures.

Thank you for the memories, good and bad.

Thank you for supportive family, who always encourage me to chase after my heart for You.

Thank you Lord for my crazy, beautiful, blessings-of-friends that I am delighted to call my second family.

Thank you for kindred spirits and deep talks till late into the night.

Thank you for my love for languages, and for giving me those who share it.

Thank you for coffee, always.

Thank you for the sunshine and the rain!

Thank you Lord for the best friends, the best roommate <3, and the best school.

But thank you most of all for saving me! The gift of grace is better than any other gift.

<3 Amanda

Jump in

As God would have it, I'm heading to Biola this August!



I'm freaking out.

With all there is to think about with getting ready for college, my brain has been on overload mode for a few weeks now. What with new books, new classes, new professors, new roommates, and new locations on my mind, I am feeling myself become more and more attached to the normal, the safe. I like living where I am now. I love the people I am around, and the thought of leaving them breaks my heart.

Now, you may think I'm being SUPER dramatic about this. Yah, I guess I might be, but I can't help but think about the changes that not only me, but those I love will be going through.

I know that if I let God take over the wheel, I will not come back the same person I left as.

What kind of person will I become?
What kind of people will my friends and family become?

Even though I'm scared out of my mind, I know I need to take the plunge.

I need to jump in, hold nothing back, and let God take care of not only me, but also my loved ones.

So, as this summer quickly fades to memory, I prepare myself for the next big step in my journey. I'm scared. I'm excited. I'm worried. I'm nervous, but I'm also ready.

Ready to take the plunge. 

Thank God for Rainy Days!

  

  Have you ever just sat and thought about how awesome God is? I don't do it enough, but last night I was enchanted by the softly falling rain and couldn't help but think what a great God I have. He has provided so much in my life. All the love songs in the world don't do His love justice, all the words written by man could never fully describe Him, and all the music in the world can never fully capture His colorful spirit. 

  One of my favorite God created things is rainy nights. There is just something so beautiful about the sound of rain hitting the pavement, the smell of fresh air, and the light of the moon and stars that shyly peek out around dark clouds. If I could live in one moment forever, that would be it. Nights like these inspire me to write, draw, learn, and love. What an amazing God he is! 

  As my time at home quickly passes by, I have tried to capture wonderful moments like these, and store them away in my memory. I can't help but think about how different life is going to be away from home. I will be without the support that I have always had from my parents, and that thought scares me. But I just have to keep remembering what an awesome God I have! He has provided for me in the past, so why wouldn't he do it now?

I am so thankful for His blessings, I thought I would make a list ;)

I am thankful for my parents.
I am thankful for my hilarious group of friends :)
I am thankful for rainy nights/days
I am thankful for the roof over my head that keeps me dry.
I am thankful for chocolate.
I am thankful for caffeine. 
I am thankful for food in general. (It's really the bomb :P)
I am thankful for my crazy siblings.
I am thankful for the ability to read my bible without getting arrested.
I am thankful for my spiritual gifts.
I am thankful for God's grace.
I am thankful for God's joy.
I am thankful for God's peace.
I am thankful for healing.
I am thankful for love.


There is so much I am thankful for. I bet it could fill a whole book! 


Praise the Lord today for what he has given you! Make your own thankful list, and take some time out of your day to just sit and meditate on the AWESOMENESS of our Lord!

Much Love,
Amanda

Renewing a Heart.

Ever felt broken? If you would of asked me that a few years ago I might of just said "Nope!" with a huge grin on my face. The story is a lot different these days. In the past two months, my heart has felt like it has been crushed, beaten up, and ripped in half. I could not understand what was happening. Nothing felt right, especially my relationship with the Lord.  All because I forgot the most important thing, God's plans are SO much better than mine.
As I was struggling these past months with the thought that maybe I wasn't saved, or maybe God didn't "choose" me to be saved, I felt like my world was crashing down around me. Before I could just say to myself, "Amanda, you can do this because the Lord is with you!" I had no doubts that he was back then. But then somewhere along the line, a little lie crept into my heart. It slowly grew into a huge stone in the middle of my path. It said to me, "You're not worth it, you are not going to make it." (Talk about a bummer!) And for some odd reason I believed it. I wrestled and wrestled with this thought for many weeks, and every time I felt like I had gotten over it, there it was again, flailing its ugly arms for attention.

But the Lord came through.

First through my Mom, who I spent many nights pouring out my troubles and questions onto, by giving her the patience  and words to say to me. Also, for loving me like Christ loves me, No matter what.
Second through the verse John 3:16 "For God so LOVED world that he gave his one and only son that WHOEVER believes in him shall not parish but have everlasting life." Funny how this little verse that I thought was the most generic verse ever was one of the only ones I could cling to. Through this verse I know that the Lord loves the world (Even though we are a broken and messed up place indeed!) and whoever, not just some or part, but WHOEVER believes in him shall not parish but have ever lasting life.
Third, the thought that no matter what I do, I will NEVER deserve the love that the Lord has given me. NEVER! for some reason this thought was a comfort, and all I wanted to do after realizing this was love everybody else!

Although I have discovered these things and have been blessed by these, I still struggle with the ideas that once plagued my mind, and so I ask you to remember that the Lord really does want you! He loves you! And all it takes is you believing in him, and your forgiven. But don't take my word for it, go discover it for yourself!

God is renewing my heart, and I hope you are open to him working on yours too!

And so, I leave you with the lyric's of barlowgirls song "I Need You to Love Me"

"I Need You To Love Me"

Why, why are You still here with me
Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You

[Chorus:]
But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
'Cause You're a God who has all things
And still You want me

Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been

God Bless
Amanda

God moment!!!!!

So, I just had a God moment. I was feeling lost and unsure of what I believed in. I was crying out to God to please reveal himself to me. While tears were flowing down my face...I was trying to be still to see if I could hear him speak.....but I couldn't breathe....I felt like I was suffocating....but at the same time...my heart was beating like a fright train....I was still begging God to show himself to me when these lyrics came on to the radio...

"I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (In the pain) there is healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin)
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you."

Wow!!! Lol... some people might find this a coincidence...

But.... I am sure it was the Lord speaking to me....

So I challenge you guys to open up your heart....

And let God speak to you!

Have a God blessed day!! 

He has risen!! :) :) :) :) 

Song lyrics "Broken" by Lifehouse 

Yeah God!! :)

Whoo hoo!!! All done with fundraising for this week! God surely blessed our efforts this week! Thanks to all my friends who helped with raising money! We did good you guys! The best news is that we might be able to directly send the money to people in Japan! yeah! What a God thing! The 36 hours with no sleep and massive headache I had this morning were so worth it....I really want to try to do another fundraiser here soon....but right now, its time to rest :) All you guys should think of ways you can help Japan too! Even if its just praying, it will go a long way! try it out, God will defiantly help you! (Hehe there are SO many exclamation points in this post!<--) ;)

This is a boring one........ZZZzzzZZZzzzz....

Super excited about going to Cali for spring break! I can't wait to see all those colleges!! Now, thinking about college kind of makes me nervous. The thought of being on my own, with out my parents, in some place I'm not familiar with, is scary! But hey, I know God will be guiding my every step :p Ballet was super fun as always! I finally, FINALLY, have the routine memorized!!!! Whoo hoo! its only been like... 2 months since I started learning it! lol So I decided I would love to be a makeup guru on youtube, but I can't really find a good reason to...besides the fact that I love make-up...hmm...I at least want to start a Vlog. One time, I even followed my self around with a camera. I even filmed myself in the college parking lot (Course, I made sure no one was watching when I did it) But my question is, who on earth would listen to my blabber about my life? hehe I know I wouldn't do that if it was someone else.....So I am still trying to come up with some interesting trait I could focus on if I did start one.......hehe thats about all....Night!